The Decay of Decency And The Rise of Uncommon Courtesy

“As we are, so we do; and as we do, so is it done to us; we are the builders of our fortunes.”   - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about our pet peeves, values and what is next for us in our lives. While we have very different personalities and see the world in our own unique ways, we share similar values and, lately and unfortunately, the same experiences when it comes to humans.

More specifically, our experience the lack of responses.

Granted, our experiences are subjective and therefore bias but nonetheless, we came up with a number of examples. We are very good friends, thus having the freedom, permission and courage to call each other out and name BS where it is called for.

Interestingly enough, we covered a range of topics, scenarios and life moments that, truth be told, left us rather deflated and, if I may say so, sad. 

And yes, we took and are taking this personal as, well, it happened and happens to us. 

However, to not go down the rabbit hole of feeling unworthy, unappreciated or even insulted, we explored the why next – not from the perspective of why us, but why are we experiencing the lack of responses more and more.

Is courtesy truly uncommon and is the decay of decency already among us?

Trying to shift our perspectives to what we are doing in our lives, how often we do not respond to others nor reply to emails or voicemails or simply forget to get stuff done, we pretty quickly agreed that, yes, we live in an era of overwhelm, distractions, information and request overflow. To-do lists, chores, bucket list items and commitments are piling up while making a living and living a fulfilling life itself.

Next up we looked at it through a professional and personal lens, which turned out to be an eclectic mixed bag.

On the personal level, meaning family, friends and loved ones, we were happy to report that we are grateful and blessed and that is really is a give and take. And yes, it is not always 50/50 and a give is not always followed by an instant take, but overall the universe is balanced and, for the most part, reliable while it still comes with its unique challenges.

This left us with courtesy and decency in the professional world, and oh boy, let me set the scene by saying that the balance is far from being in a good shape.

I will not lie, this part was a tough one to discuss as it meant to stay open-minded to feedback, yet vulnerable and, to the best of our efforts, as objective as possible.

“Politeness costs nothing and gains everything.” - Lady Montague

First, we talked about keeping up with our network, former colleagues, clients and acquaintances who you formed relationships with. This was a painful lesson learnt for me last year. Having just started my own business, I set out to contact former colleagues and customers I cared for and respected to share my news and a request to reconnect and have a conversation. If you had asked me to name the top and bottom 10 to reply and to bet my house on it, I would not be living in my house anymore. Here is the thing, did it surprise me, yes, did it hurt me, hell yeah. Why? Because while I did not expect a reply within 24 hours nor 1 week, I was struck by the nothingness. While some might have read my email as a consulting pitch (which it wasn’t meant to be) and did not want to reconnect with a call, a simple, even if overused, ‘Best of luck’ one-liner wasn’t in the cards either.

I fully understand that life happens and that, while having the best intention to reach out to someone, we all simply do forget many times. I am guilty of forgetting myself. But the nothingness continued even after reaching out a second time.